what if...?

a song's refrain often goes around my head:
'what if I had never let you go? would you be the one I'm used to know ? ... If we could only turn back time... but I guess, we'll never know'

What would I give for being able to turn back time!
Who hasn't ever had this thought? Everyone knows this situation: You see the outcome of some decisions you have taken, things you did or should have done - and you wish you still could change anything.
Sometimes these are only minor things: 'Why have I searched for my umbrella so long? I should have known I'd be late!'
Other things are about life and death: 'If I had stopped at the red streetlight, the guy in the other car would still be alive!'
Often one had been so close to do what later turned out to be the right thing. The decisions often even didn't mean anything at that time and were taken randomly, what makes it only more frustrating afterwards.
Unfortunately, turning back the time propably wouldn't change anything, even if it was possible. If one takes a look at the objective and logical side of it, all events had to happen exactly the way as they did before. Although a decision may be taken without thinking, it's always subconsciously influenced by conditions, surroundings and personal experiences. And those would always be the same again. In the past, you have been different. The regrets come afterwards when you change, learn or simply see the consequences. Turning back time would only make things happen once again, without a change.
Then, if all this is about the changed and wiser self, what about not turning back the time, but making yourself travel back in time to talk to your younger self and prevent things from happening? I know, this phantasy is old sci-fi-stuff and many others have already spend many thoughts on it.
To sum them up: you would cause a lot of chaos in a time you don't belong - possibly more than you could help with your knowldge offuture events. Only watch 'Back to the Future', the all-time classic about time-travelling, and you'll know what I mean when I say, that this might not be a good idea.
What I favour is equally impossible as the other ideas but, to me, seems easier, smaller and bearing less risks than e.g. travelling in time.
For most events it would be sufficient if one coul only send a note to one's younger self in the past. Just a single sentence could change so much, something like 'Don't drink tonight' or 'Take the car'.
If this was possible, sending one-sentence-messages intotthe past, even if you could only deliver them to no other person but you and considering that you might not obey yourself, this technology still would have changed the history of the world. What would be different today if people could reverse their actions! When one tries to imagine that, even that 'small' thing would be very, very complex in its consequences.
And maybe it's good that time has something secure - what has happened has happened and cannot be changed by any human, how hard he may wish he could. We humans have in some ways already too much power to influence our present. To be able to change the past too would be far too much - and it would also remove the necessity to learn from it.

 

this picture reminds me of a wonderful journey, but also drags the thought to my mind that if I hadn't decided to go to town that afternoon, I wouldn't have missed the fun the others had at the beach... but I guess, I'll never know...                       

trying to catch dawn

A written picture is to be centre this time and not a photo, as it would be usual. Why a written picture? Once I experienced a situation with a very special mood, although there was nothing extraordinary. I wanted to remember it, but had no camera at hand for keeping it. So then I tried to capture it with words for still being able to remember it.
Everyone who has ever tried to catch, to secure a certain mood, situation or memory to remember it, will know how difficoult this is, even if it is fresh in one's mind. Words won't fit properly and you can't find those you are looking for ... words are just not enough, but sometimes you have to deal with them. Especially when there's nothing available but a pen and some paper.
Here's my try:

The dawn comes and it's as cold as ice. In some corners there's still a thin layer of snow laying on the ground, elsewhere it's not there anymore. Not that it had melted, the temperature would be far too low for this, the dry snow has simply been blown away by the wind.
One can hear the ripple of the snowy crystals, they're coming down almost crumbly. The frosty wind is blowing in my face painfully icy. I feel like It slowly goes stiff in the cold, that now even is creeping through my gloves.
The wind blows freshly fallen ribbons of snow around in a jumble, here and there he drives the pulvery fringes.
Tears well up in my eyes, I narrow them and try to see. The tears flow over and on my face they leave traces which almost immediately begin to burn. I try to wipe them away, but the rough wool of my gloves only worsens it. New tears come and my whole face is burning in the cold wind. Don't wipe them away, the friction hurts and the burning tears remain. Will they really become ice on my skin?
The lights of houses, cars and streetlights are already lit. They're warm, glowing spots in the purpleblue dawn that envelopes everything of this grey winter's day.

  

This photo has nothing to do with the described situation, but I thought it supported some aspects of it. And by the way, I don't think I'd be successfull at trying to reproduce a photo that would fit exactly - it has been a moment more or less unique, the reason why I had wanted to capture it in the first place.

simplicity

This photo once was made because the changing pictures in the shallow water at the beach fascinated me. The lines and layers developed and disappeared in so many constant movements at the same time and after one anotherand never came to a stop. A photo could always catch the fraction of a second of this infinetely ongoing process. For a few minutes I sometimes tried to capture a certain frame of a special pattern here or there, but I had to realise that this was condemmed to fail. Till the moment I could move my finger to take the photo, everything would have changed and look entirely different. Not bad, though.
I have liked this picture only for its simplicity for a long time - there are no contrasts, no strong colours, nothing striking.
Later, I made the discovery, that all four elements have to work together to create such a picture: There's water - obviously - earth (sand), wind and sun.
Each of them helps shaping such a simple thing like the patterns of water and sun on a beach. It's often like this on our earth and in life: Such simple things, but plain beauty, working and ongoing for endless times, and a lot more behind it than one might see at the first look.

two on a narrow footbridge

two on a narrow footbridge (friendship)
- one has spread her arms to balance herself out, the other one patiently waits fo her.
Why can't I think of any title but friendship for this picture? I'm not sure. There's basically nothing else on it than the ocean, the sky and two people on a footbridge, not even touching each other. But visible is more, at least for me. I see confidence, for once.
You need confidence -and courage- to walk and balance on a narrow footbridge, just centimeters above the water, and you wouldn't do it with everyone. It's very helpful to know that there's always someone behind you who wouldn't push you into the water (I know, some people surely would do this and have fun with it, but if you're already trembling they're no soothing company at all!). How great is it to have someone behind you who would rather catch you - and risk falling with you- than doing anything else. Someone who cheers, encourages and calms you with words or with his sole presence. Who is never tired, looses his patience or good mood, when it takes you all the time in the world to take the next tiny step. These qualities also come in use the other way around, when someone walks in front of you and all you have to do is follow, being able to watch his back and not all the time the frightening long and narrow path in front and under your feet.
That's why there are two on the path together. And that's why friendships are so precious: everyone gives something and gains more in return. Not always immediately or consciously remarkable, but in the backward glance, one feels enrichened.
During challenging times and situations you can't always walk side by side, as you would like to. One has to take the lead and the other one to follow. But only for a certain time: when the end of the footbridge is reached and you turn around, you inavoidably will find yourself in the other position ;)
Walking down a footbridge towards the ocean, like the one on the picture, can be quite an enjoyable experience - one of the enjoy-the-simple-things-of-life kind of events, when you're at the beach with a friend. The literal 'footbridges' in a friendship however belong to some other category...